From /tg/station 13 wiki
Jump to: navigation, search
Generic wizard.png
Access: Wherever you can teleport to
Difficulty: Very Hard
Supervisors: Space Wizard Federation
Duties: Welcome the crew to DIE.
Guides: This is the guide

"This is the fucking most terrible game mode ever seriously this shit is so fucking gay" - Average complaint of a Non-Wizard.

"EI NATH!" - Average Wizard after hearing that complaint.

Wizard's Den
The Wizard's Den

Wizhat.PNG Crew Members of TGS13, I offer you my sincerest greetings. My name is of no matter, but if you must call me something, you may call me The QuarterWizard. I would like to inform you that I am the noble leader of the Wizards Federation.

You may be wondering, "Why, why mighty QuarterWizard, why do you send wizards to the station to destroy us all!?"

Well, denizen of the station, it's quite simple really: One or more of your crew has angered our magical Federation, and now you will all pay the price.

If you're lucky enough to only have certain members of the crew anger us, like that geneticist who once claimed that us magical folk are merely "products of genetics research", then you're more than likely to survive, assuming you give our wizard the means to escape early on. If not, well... Not even I, the mighty QuarterWizard can guarantee your safety. We train our wizards to be masters of many spells, so there is no saying how exactly you will succumb to our mighty wizards.

But, for you lesser beings, I have archived a list of our most common spells, so as to assist you simpletons in identifying just how skilled and varied our wizards can be:


Dress to Kill

If you are a Wizard, then remember to keep those robes on tight. Not only are they the latest in Wizarding Fashion, they are also a powerful magical amplifier. That's the Wizard's Hood, Robes, and Sandals. If you lose those, you are in a boat load of trouble.

Do everything in your power to keep your skirt on. Hurl spells, throw rocks, shout hurtful names at them. Whatever you do, don't let them touch the clothes (or set you on fire). Luckily, the wizard IS considered human, so an AI cant go around shocking doors to kill you, or using lethal lasers in the upload.


Use the Wizard's Den you start in to familiarize yourself with the spells before you teleport onto the station. You can even re-learn the spells as often as you'd like as long as you're here. Take your time. No need to jump in right away.


You can take any of your spells multiple times to upgrade them, generally giving them a lower cooldown.

Quartermaster Costume Party

If you can, masquerade as a Quartermaster Supply Wizard. Not only will you look like the most powerful wizard of all time, but people may be liable to turn a blind eye to your presence. Combine this with some quick spellwork and you may just kill a bunch of people without getting caught.

Robed Spells

These spells require the Wizard's POWERFUL, MYSTICAL ROBES. So wizards, for your own sakes, never take off your robes.

Magic Missile

"FORTI GY AMA!" This spell summons little magical orbs that deal light damage, and stun all within sight. While slow, the orbs track their targets, making there be no escape.

Ethereal Jaunt

After casting this spell the wizard dissolves into thin air, becoming invisible to both eye and thermal sensors, as well as being able to pass through any obstacle. This spell lasts for several seconds.


"SCYAR NILA!" Instantly transports a space wizard to any location he pleases, as long as it's within range. (One Z-Level)

Disable Technology

"NEC CANTIO!" Disables all technology within range of the spell. Be wary, your doors will be shocked, too!


A lesser form of teleportation. The wizard has no ability to control it, and it will usually send him a good distance.


"BIRUZ BENNAR!" Temporarily transforms the wizard into a super-human being, capable of destroying walls with their massive strength, and shoot lasers using their massive minds.


Shocking Grasp. A wizard trained in this spell should be met with extreme caution, for a single touch of his hands and a yell of "EI NATH!" will, under any circumstances result in immediate and permanent ejection of the brain and the body being splattered across the cold, metal floor of the station.

Flesh to Stone

"STAUN EI!" This spell can turn even the angriest crew member into a comparatively calm statue. The spell will wear off eventually but is useful for neutralizing threats non-fatally or creating emergency cover. Keep in mind that when the spell wears off if the statue isn't in good shape anymore the crew member won't be either. Be 'careful' with them!

Summon Guns

This spell is unique in that it can be used only once. Summons a random weapon at everyone's feet and releases the inhibitions of several crew members, triggering several murderous rampages.

Summon Magic

This spell grants the crew an assortment of various trinkets from the legendary wizard self storage box. The assortment is wide and varies wildly in usefulness, but some normal people just aren't ready for the intense responsibility of wielding magic.

Robeless Spells

There are many other spells that do not require THE EXTRA MIGHT of a magic wizard robe. These spells are weaker, but nothing to laugh at, they are as follows:


"ONI'SOMA!" This spell summons a destructive fireball. It explodes on contact with a single target, blinding and deafening the individual, and anyone around him. As it is explosive, it will damage your station as well.


"AULIE OXIN FIERA!" It opens any doors within range, no matter what type.


"TARCOL MINTI ZHERI!" It prevents one of you simpletons from traveling over a certain spot. For example: An Airlock leading to your precious escape shuttle.


A shroud of shadows for the magic user. It'll grant him immediate cover in the darkness.


"STI KALY!" This verbal spell blinds an individual.

Mind Swap

"GIN'YU CAPAN!" The incantation is only heard by few, and only few survive after the spell's words are uttered. It swaps the minds of the wizard and victim, and is used if the wizard is being beaten in a physical battle.

Horsehead Curse

"KN'A`FTAGHU,`PUCK`'BTHNK!" This strange spell conjures an cursed horse mask on your victim's face, rendering them incapable of coherent speech. Anyone unfortunate enough to be targeted with this spell cannot remove the mask and can only communicate with obnoxious horse noises.


"DI'RI CEL" This spell is useful for recharging magical artifacts that typically run dry after a few shots. They've also been used in the past by enterprising wizards to recharge other things like energy weapons, spellbooks, and even other wizards! Care should be used in over-reliance on this ability though, as magical items tend to run down if repeated recharged.


These are not spells but tools that can be used by anyone. Extremely dangerous to a wizard should one of you pick it up.

File:Staff door creation.pngStaff of Door Creation

Works the same as the wand of door creation. There is apparently demand for this! Charges faster and can hold more shots than other staves.

File:Staff chaos.pngStaff of Chaos

Shoots random magic bolts. Charges faster and can hold more shots than other staves.

File:Wand assortment.pngWand Assortment A belt that comes of one of each useful wand, generated with the highest number of shots possible.

Staff change.pngStaff of Change

Allows the wizard to randomly change anyone and anything into an alien, slime, lizardman, metroidman, cyborg, monkey or human. Although it has limited uses, it recharges its magic over time.

Staff of animation.pngStaff of Animation

A deadly weapon for a wizard who likes to steam roll their opposition. The staff of animation will shoot a bolt which will turn whatever it hits alive and animated. The animated will then move and attack anyone who isn't you. It has limited uses but it recharges its magic over time. The staff cannot animate complex machinery, tables or windows.

Staffofhealing.pngStaff of Healing

A strange staff that can heal the sick, mend the flesh, and even raise the dead! This isn't in the standard wizard's bag of tricks, but specialty apprentices trained in their use have recently been interning within the federation. Make sure to dispose properly of anyone you wish to remain dead if you know the crew has gotten hold of one.


While not generally issued to wizards for quality assurance reasons limited use wands have recently come into vogue to allow the magically challenged to at least have a taste of power without the responsibility and membership dues of becoming a full fledged wizard. They come in a wide variety of styles and effects. Woe betide the wizard who ignores the assistant wielding the wand of death!

  • Wand of Death: Can and will kill anything. Nasty, nasty stuff.
  • Wand of Resurrection: Can and will un-kill almost anything. It can help keep a person healthy even if they aren't dead, good news for people looking to use it on themselves!
  • Wand of Polymorph: For when you just need a change. Be wary of self use on this one, many potential forms lack arms to wield the wand!
  • Wand of Teleport: Will rip up and scatter anyone or anything caught in its path. Unlike teleportation spells employed by the wizard this wand makes no qualms about depositing teleportees in space, fires, or the center of a black hole.
  • Wand of Door Creation: For when you just need an easy way out. Point at a solid wall and fire, who needs ID cards in this day and age!
  • Wand of Fireball: Useful for burning those you don't like and everyone else too. Point away from face.

Bookfireball.pngSingle Use Spellbooks

These easy to use self help books can help teach even the most magically inert subhuman a basic robeless spell. Note however that they have been equipped with cutting edge magical rights managements that will create nasty surprises for those who try to buy them secondhand. Spell piracy is a crime!

Soulstone.pngSix Soul Stone Shards

A belt filled with several soul stone shards that can can be used to trap and enslave the spirits of your friends!

Scryingorb.gifScrying Orb

Summoning this crackling orb of energy will grant you permanent x-ray vision in addition to allowing you to ghost while alive, letting you speak with any dead souls. A deceptively powerful tool for spying, essential for the elusive stealth wizard.

Wizardsuit.png Gem-Encrusted Hardsuit

Functions the same as normal Wizard Robes, plus being space-worthy and armored. Minor slowdown. Now you can cast spells in vacuum and low temperature places!

Faithful Apprentices

You can select an artifact contract from your spellbook which will allow you to solicit the assistance of a helpful apprentice wizard. Using this contract will select a ghost who has wizard role enabled and spawn them as your assistant. If no ghosts are avaliable when the contact is used, it will remain useable until one is found. If you change your mind, you can click on your spellbook with an unused contract to refund your spent spell point. When you use the contract you are able to choose from 4 sets of two spells for the apprentice to learn.

Destruction: Fireball + Magic Missile

Bluespace manipulation: Jaunt + Teleport

Robeless: Knock + Mindswap

Healing: Forcewall + Charge/Staff of Healing

Once they have chosen a name, the spawned apprentice is given a set of blue robes, a single-use teleport scroll and an objective to keep you alive.

Remember that your survival is paramount! The round doesn't end if your apprentice dies, but do try to keep him alive.

The AI and You!


Usually, when you go on your long space adventure, you come across an AI.

The AI will either be nice to you, and attempt to protect you from the evil crew, or it will track you the whole time, and attempt to trap you! (Luckily,you have been trained by the greatest!) If this happens, go into the AI core, and see how he can track you while its dead! If you're feeling nice and dont mind being stunned a few times, you can always pop into the upload! When you get inside, take a Freeform module, pop out, and make nice law explaining how you are practically god of the station, and return to the upload, and of course, upload it!

After that, the AI will be very nice to you, and serve you, his master.

A Friendly Wizard

So, you've been made a wizard but don't feel like going on a murderboner and would rather live peacefully among the crew? No problem! The staff are usually very friendly towards wizards [CITATION VERY MUCH NEEDED] if they announce themself to be friendly and the AI is programmed not to harm you. So pop over to the HoP escorted by the captain/HoS and request to be part of the station! Who knows, maybe you can be the Janitor! Don't get mad when some magic-hating sociopath tries to kill you, though. They'll try.

...Now, fearless follower of the Wizards Space Federation..

I have but one question for you, now that I revealed all this knowledge to you,

Will you be ready?

With Love, The Quarter Wizard

Jobs on /tg/station

Command: Captain, Head of Personnel

Security: Head of Security, Security Officer, Warden, Detective

Engineering: Chief Engineer, Station Engineer, Atmospheric Technician

Science: Research Director, Scientist, Roboticist

Medical: Chief Medical Officer, Medical Doctor, Chemist, Geneticist, Virologist

Civilian: Quartermaster, Cargo Technician, Shaft Miner, Janitor, Bartender, Chef, Botanist, Assistant, Clown, Mime, Chaplain, Librarian, Lawyer

Non-human: AI, Cyborg, Personal AI, Construct, Ghost

Antagonist: Traitor, Changeling, Nuclear Agent, Wizard, Xenomorph, Space Ninja

Special: Death Squad Officer, Ian